• Pennomi@lemmy.world
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    2 days ago

    This evidence is certainly in contrast to those who believe, based on the writings of Charles Dickens alone, that the Earth is around 4.5 billion years old.

    🤣 this writer is genius

  • Midnitte@beehaw.org
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    2 days ago

    I first went about the humane capture of the wildlife of C-100. A few peacocks were caught with bear traps, an iguana was captured via a falling piano, and a peacock bass was shot in the face with a shotgun, all in line with the standards set by the Florida Constitution [3].

    Truly gold.

    Edit: Didn’t realize this was Immaterial Science - my favorite is the FUPLC-NMR-CE6-GC-IR-ICP-MS-MS-MS-MS (pdf warning)

  • Phoenixz@lemmy.ca
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    2 days ago

    So this is obviously satire but reading this it just sounded way too close to current reality for comfort.

    I know that parts of the document are acme levels over the top but other parts sincerely read as if written by your average Maga idiot

  • Ep1cFac3pa1m@lemmy.world
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    2 days ago

    At first I thought it was satire, but when I saw the writer had the scientific Pokédex entries I knew it was legit

  • exixx@lemmy.world
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    2 days ago

    We’re expected to believe that the peacocks personally recounted their lineage? In English? I feel like the author is just making things up at that point.

    • Phoenixz@lemmy.ca
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      2 days ago

      Well after these peacocks were crushed by a piano, they might have been unable to recount anything at all.

      I dunno, but I feel like the author might have taken some creative liberties here…

  • yesman@lemmy.world
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    2 days ago

    I was tired of being a Darwinist. Now I follow the writings of Dickens; I’m a Dickhead.

    • 667@lemmy.radio
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      2 days ago

      The first tell was the author using the first person, and the next tell was the piano falling.

      • Yawweee877h444@lemmy.world
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        2 days ago

        2 Miami-Dade College, Kendall, FL, USA Department of Fictional Geology

        Thankful I saw that first, very relieved.

        • waz@feddit.uk
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          2 days ago

          “I first went about the humane capture of the wildlife of C-100. A few peacocks were caught with bear traps, an iguana was captured via a falling piano,  and a peacock bass was shot in the face with a shotgun, all in line with the standards set by the Florida Constitution [3].”

  • TachyonTele@piefed.social
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    2 days ago

    The inclusion of Pokédex Entry numbers is great.
    Also, I like the sources cited for the paper. One of them is “Pigeon-Elephant Theory: the real origin of humans – Journal of Astrological Big Data Ecology by B McGraw”

    • hansolo@lemmy.today
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      2 days ago

      Is there money in writing crap “research” papers like this?

      I would be fine doing this under a pseudonym. But I know UFO researchers really have to hustle a ton. So maybe not?

        • hansolo@lemmy.today
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          2 days ago

          Ooooohhhh… That’s a thing? Let me guess, I have to pay to publish my ChatGPT-authored “research” proving that cats are actually aliens?

      • Adalast@lemmy.world
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        2 days ago

        I have no idea, but I am guessing the religious right pays handsomely for anything “scientific” which supports their absolutely asinine beliefs.

  • Semjaza@lemmynsfw.com
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    2 days ago

    Only a few bites because people, understandably, aren’t biting that headline.

    Share a screenshot of the article instead and they’ll be all over it.