There’s a lot going on in my life and I’m just trying my fucking best to keep everything on rails. But girl I’m fucking tired and I’m not done by far.

Here’s my diary entry:

• I’ve decided to let my contract expire and look for a new job. I didn’t want to leave the company but I did want to get away from my energy vampire coworkers that have never cared about me. Even now that I’m leaving they’re showing 0 signs of empathy. Pretty sure they never gave a shit about me. Which is their perogative, but I definitely am not staying there. Anyway, I tried to look for a different position internally (enterprise size company should have something). Unfortunately, and completely missing the irony, my manager hid behind ‘management is being difficult’ and failed to arrange a transfer in time.

• Finding a new job is easy. I’m being bombarded by recruiters and they probably mean well. Unfortunately I appear to have missed the memo where being a data engineer means you have to have experience with Azure to get taken into consideration. That’s interesting, didn’t know we all sold our souls to Microsoft in the corporate domain as well.

• I’m gonna come out as non binary to my mom. I’ve been putting it off for about 1.5 years now and it’s time. I asked her to come with me to get my ears pierced and she excitedly agrees. I think she suspects, she’s definitely dropped hints before that suggest she understands I don’t see myself as just AMAB. So that’s good. But still scary. Excited about being able to wear earrings though oh my god THE OUTFITS ARE GONNA LOOK AMAZING

• One of my best friends expanded his single partner relationship into a two partner relationship and now he barely speaks to me anymore. I’ve consulted with mutual friends and they experience the same. I don’t really want to confront him but I expect I’ll need to at some point. I don’t like confrontation. I confronted him in August when he failed to show up for my birthday. He apologised and I said he needs to be a better friend. This coincided with the decline in interaction so it feels like I’m pushing him away by expecting too much. I don’t think I’m expecting too much though, I’m just holding him to the same standards as before. If I’m honest with myself he’s not very good at being a friend and never has been. I just really like him and want to spend time together. So does he but he’s a terrible communicator. Ugh

• I went to my first drag show, saw Bosco and others, feel so blessed to have seen god’s favourite transsexual

• Gonna start my sewing class next month I’m really stoked to at some point know how to make my own clothes that finally do some fucking gender affirming for once helloooooo