rtstragedy2 [fae/faer, she/her]

I don’t think my dream self matches my day self sometimes.

I am pretty fem-shaped IRL and it’s weird that in my dreams sometimes I’ll be kinda … a guy? sometimes I have dreams where I even use the bottom parts I am trying to get rid of for sex things?

I always wake up feeling weird, like maybe I’m repressing some secret thing about myself. I hear about other people dreaming in their identified gender and with their ideal body even and such and so it always puzzles me that my dreams are sometimes just stuck in “guy mode.” I’ve been kind of envious in the past of it.

It’s easy to say “it’s just a dream,” and I’m happy with who I am when I look in the mirror (compared to the alternative), but there’s just these lingering doubts that I have sometimes like “maybe I’m not really trans and instead I’m just traumatized by my first romantic relationship and that led to me having wires crossed and suddenly wanting to be her.” That line of thinking is something my (at the time) unsupportive mother said when I first came out, and if I’m honest I don’t think I’ve ever really dealt with it. I feel like I’m so close to disproving it … like there’s something in there that seems fishy but I can’t quite get a solid foundation for it.

Most days I’m happy with who I am but I just feel like there’s just this little pain that comes up every so often when I have these dreams. I don’t know how to deal with it.

it’s been a slog trying to get animations working, both to understand the current Bevy system and to figure out what’s missing to get basic weapon swinging animations going in the little project I’m working on. I don’t think anyone is happy with the current state of Bevy animations and I see a lot of discussion about how to improve it, but, well, no point waiting for the perfect time or perfect engine (since those don’t exist) and everything has weak points.

Right now my current understanding is that a basic 3D model animation system needs three things:

1. A way to load keyframe+pose+bone data from somewhere (Some engines have it in-engine, Bevy supports loading from GLTF/GLB which means it’ll load your Blender animations and rigs along with your models) and play back a selected animation with basic controls like repeat/pause/etc. In Bevy this is the AnimationPlayer and there’s an AnimationClip and it’s all tied in to the Gltf class too
2. A way to combine the individual animation clips from 1 into a graph structure to allow for blending of multiple animations or masking of individual bones (this allows you to, for instance, attack and walk at the same time and play both animations and either blend them together or only have individual bones from each move). Bevy has AnimationGraph for this (and in fact even if you don’t want to use the blending/masking abilities you still need to make an AnimationGraph from a single clip) which you attach to an AnimationPlayer using AnimationGraphHandle and then the player can control which animations are playing.
3. And a third thing - a state machine of some kind to determine which animations should be playing. Are we idling? Swinging a sword? Getting hit? It all came together when I watched a Unity tutorial and I saw the graph structure in the animation system there - basically it can respond to external triggers and also internal logic to shift between states, which have one or more animations playing. Bevy doesn’t currently have something tailor built for this so I’m uh stumbling through making my own.

There are seams and dumb assumptions I made everywhere and I don’t have a working demo yet but the code is starting to come together, its just a lot of balancing simplicity vs flexibility for the project I’m working on since I don’t plan to re-use this code.

Of course, animating UI and 2D is a whole other thing.

I think that since I started ADHD meds my interests have become a lot more stable and long-lasting, which is nice. Previously I think it would be difficult to connect with people about interests and to find people who have things in common with me because I’m constantly into something new and of course I want to talk to people about the things that interest me. idk just a thought I had at 3am

so when i switched to CPA (cyproterone acetate) at the start of this year my doctor mentioned something about there being some risk of “benign brain tumours” as a side effect of the medication, has anyone heard of this?