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  • semioticbreakdown [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    8·
    3 hours ago

    it might be time to take the grillpill honestly love all my trans comrades here but damn i gotta get off the fuckin internet for a bit, this shit aint been good for me lately

  • Wmill [they/them, fae/faer]@hexbear.net
    English
    5·
    4 hours ago

    Had a dream my voice has power that when I shouted commands people fell in line. Used it first to get some kid better treatment and later to find my things that were stolen by a thief envious of my voice. Shouted at him some life advice and then woke up

  • lilypad [it/its, pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
    10·
    7 hours ago
    dysphoria?

    I kept telling myself i didnt want to deal with the hassle of a BA, but… I woke up from a nap just now and i think thats shifted. Maybe its cause im still a bit eepi, maybe its the dreams talking, but i think i just made the decision to pursue a BA… And now i have health insurance so i actually might be able to not starve to death if i get one lol

  • XiaCobolt [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    10·
    9 hours ago

    What I like about Tarot is a lot of westerners looking for meaning in mystical stuff comes off as Orientalist or cultural appropriation.

    But Tarot is pretty European. It’s Italians playing Tarrochi, it’s French doing cartomancy and English perverts believing they are magicians.

    But it’s also occult, feminine and gay enough that tradition Retvrn types haven’t made it their thing either.

  • RedSturgeon [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    13·
    15 hours ago

    I’ve been thinking about making some miniature clay sculpture. Would be a good excuse to try to find people to give them to and I find it pretty relaxing. Also I’m new here so I hope it’s okay to talk about what’s been on my mind or does everything have to be related to trans stuff?

  • rtstragedy2 [fae/faer, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    8·
    16 hours ago
    some dysphoria stuff, weird existential things, some sex talk, some brainworms too yay

    I don’t think my dream self matches my day self sometimes.

    I am pretty fem-shaped IRL and it’s weird that in my dreams sometimes I’ll be kinda … a guy? sometimes I have dreams where I even use the bottom parts I am trying to get rid of for sex things?

    I always wake up feeling weird, like maybe I’m repressing some secret thing about myself. I hear about other people dreaming in their identified gender and with their ideal body even and such and so it always puzzles me that my dreams are sometimes just stuck in “guy mode.” I’ve been kind of envious in the past of it.

    It’s easy to say “it’s just a dream,” and I’m happy with who I am when I look in the mirror (compared to the alternative), but there’s just these lingering doubts that I have sometimes like “maybe I’m not really trans and instead I’m just traumatized by my first romantic relationship and that led to me having wires crossed and suddenly wanting to be her.” That line of thinking is something my (at the time) unsupportive mother said when I first came out, and if I’m honest I don’t think I’ve ever really dealt with it. I feel like I’m so close to disproving it … like there’s something in there that seems fishy but I can’t quite get a solid foundation for it.

    Most days I’m happy with who I am but I just feel like there’s just this little pain that comes up every so often when I have these dreams. I don’t know how to deal with it.

    • XiaCobolt [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      5·
      13 hours ago
      spoiler

      Before transitioning I had dreams where I innately knew I was myself and a woman, without that having any effect on the actual dream.

      Sometimes dreams are profound

      On the other hand I had a dream last night where a lover assisted me to self suck and my body bent into an unnatural ouroboros that started spinning and spinning until it produced a beam of rainbow light and I gained enlightenment.

      So sometimes dream are a little silly.

    • TerminalEncounter [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      4·
      15 hours ago
      spoiler

      If you want to be trans, you are~

      I dont always have boobs in my dreams but Ive had them in real life for a long time. I sometimes use my bottom parts for that kind of dream too.

    • sodium_nitride [she/her, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
      3·
      16 hours ago
      spoiler

      For what it’s worth, I have similar dreams and fantasies. Never involved sex or anything. But I don’t think it’s a symptom of anything more than “this is what your brain was used to thinking yourself as for your whole childhood”??

  • Wmill [they/them, fae/faer]@hexbear.net
    English
    6·
    16 hours ago

    Every group chat needs someone like me to run cover, important things will be buried by my wondering/yappings/dead memes. I can annoy the fuck out of agents trying to find useful things

  • sodium_nitride [she/her, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    7·
    18 hours ago

    DAMCE REPORT 2:

    preliminary nonsense:

    1. I am doing substance abuse. It’s caffeine and alcohol. he-admit-it
    2. Studying is becoming kinda boring cause I keep learning shit I can’t apply.

    Dance:

    1. This shit really is horny. When we were split into “leaders” and “followers” half the class split into couples and started caressing each other. In order to continue with the classes, you need to find a permanent dance partner, and this seems to be basically your actual partner.
    2. This shit is gendered AF. Every single “follower” was a girl (even if we count me)! Even the instructor was just using female pronouns for everything. Kinda affirming?
    3. Everytime we switched partners, my new “leader” would give me a firm handshake and we would do introductions. This wasn’t done with anyone else (I was paying attention).
    4. Salsa is fun. But I don’t want to be cut out from dancing cause I don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Why do we even need permanent dance partners?
    • SuperZutsuki [they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      5·
      15 hours ago

      That sounds like a really shit way to run a salsa class. In my class they rotate follows every few minutes during the lesson part and in the social dancing part everyone changes partners after every song, pretty much. Part of being a good dancer is knowing how to dance with anyone as long as there’s good communication. If you only ever dance with same person, you’ll only learn how to understand their body language and no one else’s.

      Also, in my classes all the instructors will lead or follow during the social part according to what their partner wants to do, including switching halfway through (which is pretty sick when it goes smoothly).

      • sodium_nitride [she/her, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
        4·
        14 hours ago

        Crazy thing is. They do actually switch followers. And they even say they will do it after you get a permanent dance partner, unless you don’t want to. Which makes it really confusing that it is mandatory to find a permanent partner. Otherwise you’ll be booted.

    • BountifulEggnog [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      8·
      18 hours ago

      Everytime we switched partners, my new “leader” would give me a firm handshake and we would do introductions. This wasn’t done with anyone else (I was paying attention).

      Acab

      (all cis are bastards)

    • Babs [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      5·
      18 hours ago

      Yeah dance being so gendered is hard. I used to do a lot of swing dance, and learned to lead so that I could dance with this lady I had a crush on, but everyone just assumed I was a follow and pairing up was awkward. Eventually learned to follow just to make things easier for everyone. Being ambidancetrous is pretty cool too.

      The dancing scene is very horny, yes.

      • meler [none/use any]@hexbear.netEnglish
        5·
        17 hours ago

        I talked about this a bit on sodium’s last dance report but I used to do a ton of swing dance too. I learned to follow and lead and a lot of the guys made it really weird

        • Babs [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
          5·
          17 hours ago

          One time I was at a big swing dance festival (8 hours of classes followed by nightly dances. It was intense!) and some guy once literally tried to get between me and a dance partner because he didn’t understand that I was there to learn lead.

    • TerminalEncounter [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      4·
      17 hours ago

      I had a dance partner, we weren’t together and never were interested in being together romantically. We just worked really really well in terms of movement. My ex and I worked TERRIBLY as dance partners, although theyre my ex so maybe that was portentious? Anyway, I was the leader but Im used to that in most other aspects of my life (not just dance or bedroom stuff), I was also the base in a base-flyer dynamic simply because Im so dang tall and used to be pretty strong

  • SwitchyandWitchy [she/her]@hexbear.netMEnglish
    15·
    20 hours ago

    My blood test results came in and I got confirmation that my T is down to good levels!!! I thought that was one of the differences contributing to how I’ve been feeling lately. God I fucking love Hrt.

  • TerminalEncounter [she/her]@hexbear.net
    10·
    1 day ago

    This voice lesson gal wants to charge $1000 up front!! Its a lot of lessons though 2 to 3 months (weekly). Ill drop $1000 on a car repair or on a flight to visit someone, with lots of grumbling - I can keep trying to self study voice training, there’s a lot of creators out there and I made a lot of progress on my own! I do pass (at least half the time), but I want it to hit closer to what I feel like it’s ought to sound like? Im gonna do her consultation thing and see if she’s worth it, my insurance covers some bit of SLP visits so maybe I can convince them thats what she is lol

  • lilypad [it/its, pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
    17·
    1 day ago
    i am not an identity state

    Hearing people talk about their identity is great! Other people expecting me to produce an identity is fucked. I am not a stative identity. Stative identity is bullshit. I am actions (well, lack thereof). How do people make these statements about themselves? Like, i only do it because people expect a statement, people expect a label, people expect me to be an identity. But im not an identity state, im an identity process.

    What i mean is, i am not a woman. I woman (verb). I am not a lesbian. I lesbian (verb). I am not a cyclist. I bike. I am not a gamer. I game. I am not a musician. I play music. I am not. I do. I am not a sub. I enjoy submitting. These statements of identity as a state one is in, they do not make sense. There is no thing. There is only isness.