Leviticus commands us to stone the false prophets.
These assholes are just out for free weed.
All the false prophets are currently unavailable for comment because they’ve been high AF the last couple days.
Just leave me behind. Thinking about it someone needs to do a pro rapture movie where all the people left behind live in peace now that god has taken them all away. Can you imagine the shit that would get thrown around by these dipshits if that movie hit the net?
evangelicals obsession with the raptures, when they havnt done any good in society.
Then every time the rapture doesn’t happen, it’s like these people have an integrated Memory Reset Button, so they don’t have to PUSH and modify their beliefs and superstitions, I mean… god forbid, that would require… (shudder)… making an effort. And we can’t have THAT, now can we?
They said sorry to their imaginary friend for all the bad things they always do. One heaven please! 🙏
I hope it’s a lot of them. Religious psychos are a scourge on humanity. The fewer the better.
Skipped over again. Thank god.
My favourite theory of the rapture
It already happened … no one noticed because no one was taken up.
With a hard cap of 144,000 in Heaven, the rapture happened already.
Isn’t the rapture supposed to be like… the first step of the apocalypse? Cause I’m lookin around at the state of things right now and uh…
Yup, the skull fucking imps will be a part of the first wave of demons. Should get used to wearing helmets now to protect your skull.
How can I make my skussy more appealing to the imps?
Don’t wear a hat and keep your ears clean.
Also known as the skussy
Hell yeah it is
卄乇ㄥㄥ ㄚ乇卂卄
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No plagues, no zombies, no demons. All these things are supposed to come before the rapture part. The rapture is literally the last part, not the first. It happens on the 7th trumpet blast.
We got covid, krok addicts, and republicans, it’s close enough.
There have been plagues and demons for sure. Some of these politicians are definitely demons in skin suits. I just don’t know about zombies. But we are close.
Or so few people were taken up that it just amounted to a few missing person’s cases
It’s all the missing prostitutes from around the world, which is either heartwarming or horrifying depending on your level of trust in theoretical God.
May I offer you my very warm hole for a few minutes? Its only $5.99! Its for a good cause!
I don’t think I w
HECK YES LETS GET RAPTORED AF
reads closer
Wait what?
raptor sauce
I got raptured but forgot I left the oven on so I came back and now they won’t let me back in.
(in a booming voice from the sky)
“Sorry, the bus already left and I didn’t have enough money to pay for a second trip. Try again next rapture.”
Maybe next time
I missed something were we supposed to be raptured today?
Not you.
Fuck… I had it in my calendar for next Tuesday
On the plus side, you can feed my cat now.
I will abduction your cat
His name is Bitey. He’s very sweet but don’t get your face too close.
I wanted extra facial piercings
Still a better love story than Twilight
I wish… Would probably solve the American fascism problem overnight when all the Christians vanish
Okay but then the real Christians are gone and all that’s left are the Christofascists
What would their excuse then be?
God selected them to prepare the earth for Christ’s return after the years of tribulation. Or some bullshit like that.
Shit, we best bend over and do what they say then
I hate to break it to you…
I know, but I didn’t want you to get your hopes too high
Maybe you, but definitely not me.
Jooooin ussss
There is some wild pastor (from south Africa?) who “dreamt that jesus is coming. Soon.” Apparently it’s tomorrow to thursday. And then there is some sort of tribulation for 3.5 or 7 years or whatever.
There is going to be lots of people “disappearing” during those two days, according to all this bullshit.
I can’t wait 🥱😴
Occurring over a couple of days? Guess that finally answers my question on whether the rapture would happen planet-wide all at once, or go by time zones.
The real rapture will be over in a few hours once all of the bombs have gone off.
Thank you! I was genuinely curious what happened
The rapture happened and all I got was this stupid t-shirt
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I had to get out of bed to go to work, does that count?
