so who is playin deltarune? i finished it through chapter 4 and now i’m gonna get both types of run in the can so i can pretend i’m not back to waiting a year for the next part. how bout those new secret bosses? how bout that damn
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roaring knight?
it’s nice to have parts of this game be as hard as sands undertale.
also, susie is my favorite, she’s precious, everyone drop your favorite susie moments in the comments
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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
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As I was leaving the library a little kid pointed at me and said “she looks like a boy”
At least my efforts aren’t going unnoticed 🫠
One of the things Im most looking forward to after bottom surgery is not having to tuck anymore. I tuck all day for these cretins and NOT ONCE has ANYONE ever said “wow I can barely tell you have a penis Terminal, great job” 🙄
penis Terminal
I’m jacking in 🕶️
I didn’t even think you had a penis, you tuck so good.
Is very lovely to do the final tuck.
hi everyonee
trying to post shit for the billionth time cause im shy and dead inside and trying to externalize and stop lurking
i am transfem but not on estrogen and i hate admitting that, i want to hopefully get on DIY in a good bit but that’s another issue for me because of various factors ill probably mention later on, tldr distrust in myself, insecure about some other things
I am a ML and love my politics, although the past year has been rough on me and I, dont know, feel like I have lost my “spark”. Feel out of life, trying to learn to be a person again, which is why I lurk here so much and read about how others do, feels like insight for me
other things about me, computer nerd, very sociable but awkward, have a loving gf that i love a lot
i find it hard to bond with people cause mostly everyone else has better things to do but id love to meet people i get along with on here (i talk too much if prompted)
also im very prone to selfhating and dysphoria like 80% of the time so yay
hii, i am also shy but mostly alive inside these days
hiii:3 good to hear hope to get there too XD
Hi,
I’m transfem and also not on HRT :]
I have a wife that I love a lot :3
also im very prone to selfhating and dysphoria like 80% of the time so yay
You’ll fit in here~
I want to get on HRT eventually I hope once I move out, but will see, I’m like still visibly gender trangressive and I get shit for that lol but I really would want HRT probably I think
sex, hrt
I hope HRT just fucks up my libido cause I just hate the T libido, although this is probably me selfhating than dysphoric, dunno, always disliked it and found it “disgusting” and forceful on my partner, but I probably shouldnt view HRT as a means to this. I do find my current body repulsive but I dont know if the self hate stems from dysphoria or the dysphoria comes from self hate lmao
I had a discussion a bit ago with my partner about this and she kinda told me she felt objectified by me in certain instances as I’m just overwhelming with T libido and I’m trying not to self hate about it but… Dunno, sucks.
I want to qualitatively achieve a better point in life but I dont feel like “deserving of it” at all and idk brain pep talk is bad, as usual
Sapping my energy by debating myself about selfhate moment
Thank you for the welcome though ^^ i talk a lot sorry lol
You’re pent up because you have been lurking instead of posting
Stick around and I’m sure everyone here will agree you “deserve” to have good things~
I gaslight myself into thinking I:
- dont have things to say
- I bother others
- why would anyone read my shitty thibgs
dont have things to say
You will have many things to talk about if you just look at the random dumb incidents in your life.
…I guess there is the apprehension that I dont want to get “judged” in a negative sense, even if silly and if people are supportive
Nah, you ain’t gonna get judged. I’ve said embarrassing as hell things on here and it’s fine. You can check my post history as proof.
Just start out with small things.
Thank you for the welcome:3
Welcome!
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but I probably shouldnt view HRT as a means to this. As someone who is aroace and saw HRT partially as a means to that, after starting spiro (even with a lot dose of E that probably hadn’t done anything yet), I decided that I didn’t want to go back to T-libido - I still wasn’t sure how much of the effects of E I wanted at the time. I similarly felt like it was a bad reason to try HRT (instead of just trying other medicines that are more directly aimed at suppressing libido), but I think its a perfectly fine reason. I think if you think HRT is a good solution to your libido, its probably a sign that its actually not *just *about your libido - I personally had a hard time just consciously guessing what I would or would not like and realized I just needed to jump in to test the waters.
cause I just hate the T libido
When I went on hrt and lost my libido, it was really nice at first. But in my experience, I didn’t gain any “E libido” after (idk if that’s even a thing). It has made things difficult for me. And I don’t even have a partner that I need to attend. I just feel frustrated.
I’m not trying to discourage you. I wouldn’t stop doing HRT no matter the cost. But maybe you should just know what the possible range of experiences is.
Friend of mine is on HRT and said that increasing the dosage made her gain a lot of libido back so maybe it is that? Unsure
Hmmmmmmmmm. I’m on the higher end of dosage, so it might be on a case by case basis. I’m also 90% sure temperature is playing a factor.
For me even without E temp always played a factor but dunno
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i dont like my libido cause i perceieve it as “manly” and imposing especially on my girlfriend as she is wayy on the low libido side (in her case id say its stress right now), and just makes me feel shitty like a demanding piece of shit
A SECOND PSYCHOPOMP PFP HAS HIT THE TOWERS LETS GOOOO
I have only recently found the game after looking for games that are like Flesh, Blood and Concrete (high rec btw, basically post soviet doomer anti capitalist horror game) and I have only played like the first level only but I like it so far it’s very captivating XD
omg ive played that one too :D
I love FBC omg its like my soul game ahh!!
You should check out FBC’s creator twitter and neocities page. So much lera and nika stuff and her other art is also amazing
i am transfem but not on estrogen and i hate admitting that
i really get this feeling. also factors I can’t readily discuss and makes me feel like a fraud sometimes. but know you aren’t, and I’m not
i’ve posted before that i’m in a similar boat as you. i even got some DIY (which i later gave away to a former co-worker in case she gets cut off, since she’s terrified of ordering it)
you’re transfemme even if you never put a drop of estrogen in you. I’ve found myself surprisingly contented just being socially transitioned with my partner and a few close friends (and in spaces like here)
I want to socially transition cause even if I’m rather seen as masc andro leaning I want to be seen as rather femme
True though, I gaslight myself lol, thank you!!
i want to hopefully get on DIY in a good bit
dm me if you ever need help with it
(same to @Thallo@hexbear.net, dunno your situation)
The mirror is wrong. I’m prettier than that.
Honestly, you probably are. I’ve not met ONE trans femme who actually rates how pretty they are, they are forever saying theyre ugly or clocky or whatever - meanwhile some of the prettiest women I’ve ever fucking seen.
I, of course, suffer from exactly the same problem and while I’ve been told Im very pretty I also cant see it in a mirror! 😭
We’ll have to meet because I think I’m so goddamn pretty. Like before transition I was an effeminately beautiful man and so I didn’t really hate looking at myself (as long as I had shaved), but now I’m like “Wow!” when I look at myself. Same for my body, I was really happy with a mix of defined lean muscles from rowing and softness from indulging, but now there’s breasts coming in too!
I have a similar body kinda, have you lost the lean muscles on hrt?
It’s only been 4 months on HRT and I’ve kept rowing so no noticeable difference.
Wonderful, thank you!!
I know it must be mental because some days I think I’m really pretty and others I look like a blown out dude.
I don’t think my face is changing that much day to day 🤔
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Between transphobic in-laws, my broken phone screen, the Iran-Israel War, and general chumpfuckery, this has been a cromulent fuckcrustable of a day. Xia needs drinky.
lmfao lady at the drive through just called me ma’am LET’S FUCKING GO
ah fuck
ah fuck
yeah that’s a little tinge of romantic attraction towards someone I’ve known for a while now, isn’t it?
ah fuck yeah i know that emotion too well and that’s it
fuck…
CW boomer liberal parent things about transitioning
Both my mum and dad (who are divorced and never talk) have said they love me unconditionally and would still love me even if I was a neo-Nazi (dad) or a serial killer (mum). I get that compared to their parents and some other boomers this is “radical”.
But both times I pushed back that comparing being a “trans woman” to something evil, is pretty fucked up.
Also at some point one cannot subsist on love by itself, I need respect for my personhood.
Man it’s crazy I used to have no self-respect and now I am the number one respecter of myself. All it took was transitioning, huh.
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I have no idea how people don’t hear themselves
I’m trans
Oh sweety, we’d love you no matter what horrible thing you are 🥰🥰🥰
like wow thanks. Do you think before you talk? I just have no idea how you can’t piece together how that sounds.
yeah
Fortunately most of friends, colleagues and family my age and younger have just been like “oh cool, that’s why you actually look happy lol”
i still get dysphoric a lot
but come to think of it, it used to be way, way worse before transitioning
so that problem has gotten better for me, actually. this is weird to think about for me for some reason
So many basic femme things I’m behind on. Not only have I been slacking on voice training, but I’ve also never learned how to do that thing where you flip in the air and land on an enemy’s shoulders and snap their necks with your thighs. What have I been doing all this time
That flip thing has come in clutch tbh, so I’d prioritize that
Yeah I’m gonna right on that. A lot of necks that need a good flip thing these days
Wearing a mask is the difference between getting “sir”’d or “darling”’d by the takeaway guy. (At least on days where I haven’t shaved)
I can’t feel anything. I finished the last assignment of my degree 10 minutes ago (that fucking paper who deadline got delayed to tomorrow midnight). There’s no emotions going in my head besides a general sense of dread and unease. I hate the fact that work/studying is the main thing going on in my life. I hate the fact that I actually like this field because that means I easily threw away all my hobbies to focus on this one thing for my final year.
NSFW/dysphoria
Even worse is that to “relax” afterwards, I loaded up some erotica, only to find that HRT has killed my libido. And even when I do get some occasional “spark”, I still can’t get myself off in a “feminine” way, leading me to be frustrated and worsening my dysphoria. I also feel like I won’t find any romantic partners with a body like this. I have a crush on a boy who is 100% not gay and I don’t even remotely pass as a girl.
My only strategy for dealing with feelings like these is to laugh it off or make jokes about them, or even berate myself for disrespecting myself. Usually works … but not at midnight. Midnight sodium_nitride is a major doomer. A real b**ch.
I wish I could hire someone to train my voice. Not lead me in training exercises or whatever but like literally take my voice a la Ursula and give it back after it’s been fully trained. That’s probably the only way I’m getting the voice I want since I simply don’t have the discipline to do it myself
One of the silver linings of boymoding is the amusement from making guys confused about whether they’re in the correct bathroom (it has happened twice this week)
celebrating my tranniversary by buying some winter clothes after work because holy shit i’m so cold. can’t believe estrogen is making me re-evaluate my favourite season smh
I’m so cold too from estrogen, but the fits I can wear in winter! Scarves, sweaters, peacoats etc
oh i loooove being able to wear my turtlenecks again, plus i’ve just inherited the most gorgeous peacoat from my partner. main issue right now is finding some warmth for my leggies
A trick I like is thermal wool leggings under wide legged high waisted pants.
(I’m kind of a pants wearing lesbian but I guess that could work under a long skirt).
On the flip side, estrogen please save me from being a sweaty mess starting at 60 degrees