<3
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Does drinking liquor help with colds? If the answer is yes, I’m going to drink liquor. If the answer is no, I’m going to drink liquor.
it might be time to take the grillpill honestly love all my trans comrades here but damn i gotta get off the fuckin internet for a bit, this shit aint been good for me lately
We’ll miss you! But do tell us how the
feels if/when you come back 
Had a dream my voice has power that when I shouted commands people fell in line. Used it first to get some kid better treatment and later to find my things that were stolen by a thief envious of my voice. Shouted at him some life advice and then woke up
Think this is significant because I don’t like my voice but maybe it’s growing on me
dysphoria?
I kept telling myself i didnt want to deal with the hassle of a BA, but… I woke up from a nap just now and i think thats shifted. Maybe its cause im still a bit eepi, maybe its the dreams talking, but i think i just made the decision to pursue a BA… And now i have health insurance so i actually might be able to not starve to death if i get one lol
What I like about Tarot is a lot of westerners looking for meaning in mystical stuff comes off as Orientalist or cultural appropriation.
But Tarot is pretty European. It’s Italians playing Tarrochi, it’s French doing cartomancy and English perverts believing they are magicians.
But it’s also occult, feminine and gay enough that tradition Retvrn types haven’t made it their thing either.
The Cards told me to get a pizza again a couple days ago so I’m starting to really buy in.
I think that was me. Technically it’s just a tool for self reflection so many cards can mean go and have a pizza.
(Or me being like why are all these cards about being trans?)
nah nah, your cards told me to get pizza once and then I consulted the cards again and they told me to get pizza again. Justice said yes I should get pizza to uplift my spirit to spite my enemies or something.
…I just frequently wonder if I should get pizza.
If I have upset anyone I just wanted to make the English pervert joke.
not to dox myself but holy shit i got some big fuckin tits now holy fuuuuuuckkkkkk
I am officially at the point of not being able to run without a sports bra because ouchy
✍️
Now I know to look for someone with big tits and good opinions, nya ha ha
Getting my hrt tomorrow
Oh my gosh so happy for you!!!
LET’S FUCKING GOOOOO, EGGNOG!!! 
hell yea girlie!!
yayayayayayay good job!!! proud of u :3
I’m so proud of you for taking this step.
Thank you
it is very scary. I feel very scared to actually start.I remember how scared i was
i kept telling myself i could always stop if i wanted to. Im proud of you for taking this step!I really don’t want to stop, I just don’t want to deal with my family about it. /work if I can’t convincingly boy or girl mode.
These things are scary for me too. I’m proud of you for doing it anyway :)
Youd be surprised how far a sports bra and a lie about gynecomastia can take you
No but i could convincingly boymode for like a year, halfconvincingly since then. It just hurts way more to boymode now. Plus im tall af so even when im all done up i get a “here you are sir” when buying things
Picked up a sports bra, not thrilled about the idea of saying I have gynecomastia though. Feels like an obvious lie.
I want more then a year tbh… at least with my parents. tbh maybe just infinite time socially, in this moment I am not a fan of it being public.
I’m still not out at work and its been 1.5 years and never got any comments about it (although there was that one chaser who clearly knew I was trans…). My parents, I came out to after about 6 months and they had no clue. OTOH, pretty sure my best friend knows (I haven’t actually come out to him yet), but he also had started asking if I was a girl occasionally since shortly after my egg cracked and long before I started HRT. If you get hugs though and are wearing a bra, people might notice (my friend clearly noticed).
Also you dont have to say gynecomastia. I never did, but it was something i kept in my back pocket in case the police or teachers or someone i didnt want to talk to asked questions or smth (i had to meet with police sometimes cause of visa stuff).
in this moment I am not a fan of it being public.
Yeahh… Thats… Yeah it sucks sometimes.
If youre around someone a lot theyll take longer to notice, i avoided coming out to some people for a year and they were surprised when i did, they didnt suspect a thing. But i also got blessed/cursed by the tiny tit fairy
Oh how exciting!!!
I know! I do still need to figure out the exact steps of taking it tbh
I’ve been thinking about making some miniature clay sculpture. Would be a good excuse to try to find people to give them to and I find it pretty relaxing. Also I’m new here so I hope it’s okay to talk about what’s been on my mind or does everything have to be related to trans stuff?
No you can talk about anything here.
Okay that’s neat.
The trans mega is very neat ^^
Miniature clay sculptures are trans stuff if you think about it
something something greek god getting drunk something something wrong souls into wrong clay figures something something TRANS
see it tracks
some dysphoria stuff, weird existential things, some sex talk, some brainworms too yay
I don’t think my dream self matches my day self sometimes.
I am pretty fem-shaped IRL and it’s weird that in my dreams sometimes I’ll be kinda … a guy? sometimes I have dreams where I even use the bottom parts I am trying to get rid of for sex things?
I always wake up feeling weird, like maybe I’m repressing some secret thing about myself. I hear about other people dreaming in their identified gender and with their ideal body even and such and so it always puzzles me that my dreams are sometimes just stuck in “guy mode.” I’ve been kind of envious in the past of it.
It’s easy to say “it’s just a dream,” and I’m happy with who I am when I look in the mirror (compared to the alternative), but there’s just these lingering doubts that I have sometimes like “maybe I’m not really trans and instead I’m just traumatized by my first romantic relationship and that led to me having wires crossed and suddenly wanting to be her.” That line of thinking is something my (at the time) unsupportive mother said when I first came out, and if I’m honest I don’t think I’ve ever really dealt with it. I feel like I’m so close to disproving it … like there’s something in there that seems fishy but I can’t quite get a solid foundation for it.
Most days I’m happy with who I am but I just feel like there’s just this little pain that comes up every so often when I have these dreams. I don’t know how to deal with it.
spoiler
Before transitioning I had dreams where I innately knew I was myself and a woman, without that having any effect on the actual dream.
Sometimes dreams are profound
On the other hand I had a dream last night where a lover assisted me to self suck and my body bent into an unnatural ouroboros that started spinning and spinning until it produced a beam of rainbow light and I gained enlightenment.
So sometimes dream are a little silly.
spoiler
If you want to be trans, you are~
I dont always have boobs in my dreams but Ive had them in real life for a long time. I sometimes use my bottom parts for that kind of dream too.
spoiler
For what it’s worth, I have similar dreams and fantasies. Never involved sex or anything. But I don’t think it’s a symptom of anything more than “this is what your brain was used to thinking yourself as for your whole childhood”??
Every group chat needs someone like me to run cover, important things will be buried by my wondering/yappings/dead memes. I can annoy the fuck out of agents trying to find useful things
DAMCE REPORT 2:
preliminary nonsense:
- I am doing substance abuse. It’s caffeine and alcohol.
- Studying is becoming kinda boring cause I keep learning shit I can’t apply.
Dance:
- This shit really is horny. When we were split into “leaders” and “followers” half the class split into couples and started caressing each other. In order to continue with the classes, you need to find a permanent dance partner, and this seems to be basically your actual partner.
- This shit is gendered AF. Every single “follower” was a girl (even if we count me)! Even the instructor was just using female pronouns for everything. Kinda affirming?
- Everytime we switched partners, my new “leader” would give me a firm handshake and we would do introductions. This wasn’t done with anyone else (I was paying attention).
- Salsa is fun. But I don’t want to be cut out from dancing cause I don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Why do we even need permanent dance partners?
That sounds like a really shit way to run a salsa class. In my class they rotate follows every few minutes during the lesson part and in the social dancing part everyone changes partners after every song, pretty much. Part of being a good dancer is knowing how to dance with anyone as long as there’s good communication. If you only ever dance with same person, you’ll only learn how to understand their body language and no one else’s.
Also, in my classes all the instructors will lead or follow during the social part according to what their partner wants to do, including switching halfway through (which is pretty sick when it goes smoothly).
Crazy thing is. They do actually switch followers. And they even say they will do it after you get a permanent dance partner, unless you don’t want to. Which makes it really confusing that it is mandatory to find a permanent partner. Otherwise you’ll be booted.
Everytime we switched partners, my new “leader” would give me a firm handshake and we would do introductions. This wasn’t done with anyone else (I was paying attention).
Acab
(all cis are bastards)
The cishet men treat me like a person because they don’t know my real gender.
My dance classes explicitly referred to the followers as “ladies” 😭😭 it’s so needlessly gendered
Yeah dance being so gendered is hard. I used to do a lot of swing dance, and learned to lead so that I could dance with this lady I had a crush on, but everyone just assumed I was a follow and pairing up was awkward. Eventually learned to follow just to make things easier for everyone. Being ambidancetrous is pretty cool too.
The dancing scene is very horny, yes.
I talked about this a bit on sodium’s last dance report but I used to do a ton of swing dance too. I learned to follow and lead and a lot of the guys made it really weird
One time I was at a big swing dance festival (8 hours of classes followed by nightly dances. It was intense!) and some guy once literally tried to get between me and a dance partner because he didn’t understand that I was there to learn lead.
I had a dance partner, we weren’t together and never were interested in being together romantically. We just worked really really well in terms of movement. My ex and I worked TERRIBLY as dance partners, although theyre my ex so maybe that was portentious? Anyway, I was the leader but Im used to that in most other aspects of my life (not just dance or bedroom stuff), I was also the base in a base-flyer dynamic simply because Im so dang tall and used to be pretty strong
- I am doing substance abuse. It’s caffeine and alcohol.
chat is this real??
:shy: maybe
ya’ll bottoms are real cute ngl
My blood test results came in and I got confirmation that my T is down to good levels!!! I thought that was one of the differences contributing to how I’ve been feeling lately. God I fucking love Hrt.
This voice lesson gal wants to charge $1000 up front!! Its a lot of lessons though 2 to 3 months (weekly). Ill drop $1000 on a car repair or on a flight to visit someone, with lots of grumbling - I can keep trying to self study voice training, there’s a lot of creators out there and I made a lot of progress on my own! I do pass (at least half the time), but I want it to hit closer to what I feel like it’s ought to sound like? Im gonna do her consultation thing and see if she’s worth it, my insurance covers some bit of SLP visits so maybe I can convince them thats what she is lol
Typing in lines of code into the terminal thing of Linux is pretty cool ngl even if it didn’t fix my problem, is this what Linux nerds are like
I love writing code and I love Linux!
Get yourself an operating system that lets you
sudo rm -f /Fun fact: I did this on a live USB once to see what would happen (And i think it needed more flags than the f). I thought it would only effect the USB, but it borked the system. Maybe because the boot partition was mounted?Lesson learned. Fortunately, the system it borked was just a fresh install of debian
Ja. Needs a recursive flag.
And
--no-preserve-rooton newer version of Linux
Probably at least
rsince that’s a directoryThat’s rad that you nuked root on a live usb lol. Solid fuckin around. I’m surprised that it jacked the system at large as well, wouldn’t have expected that.
Hmm I’ve got some spare USB’s and an old thinkpad that needs a new OS anyway, maybe I should see if I can confirm your guess…
I kept seeing sudo and idk just kept thinking of sudowoodo
ls -aI’m in
One of us, one of us
Ok but I’m not a nerd or anything just to be clear
It’s okay to be in denial
I look in the mirror and see
at the horror I become
Yes.
